Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. Clive I might be able to read all that poem one day, but today I just couldnt get to the end, I couldn't see it through tears.
I am totally heartbroken, I am feeling so many emotions all at once, sadness, guilt and rage and it is not a nice combination. However under it all I do have some happiness. Happy that Sam had some comfort in his short time here. Happy he got to wander about the house and my bedroom (Hubby's orders no ferrets in the bedroom). We could all see he did not like the play area because he could smell the other ferrets, but he was happier in my bedroom, or the kids bedroom. He spend more time on the sofa with me than in the cage, snuggled in my dressing gown while we watched TV together when all the other ferrets were in bed. At least he got to play with my kids, my youngest has taken it very hard, he is not really a ferret person, but Sam gave him so much confidence at handling ferrets he held Eddie yesterday (Thank you Sam xx)
I do feel so guilty about not allowing the vets to put him to sleep Tuesday or yesterday, I know I am still raw over loosing Milo and I was blinded by determination not to loose Sam, it was selfish of me, but he was not in pain and some of his actions, like rubbing his nose on mine made me think he was telling me not to give up on him.
The worst is the rage, how could someone dump him in a rescue in this state?, how could the rescue not have taken him to a vet?